3 months later...

Hi everybody. I am kind of hoping the readership of this blog has died down some, because I am a bit embarassed and uncomfortable to report on what has happened with my weight over the past 3 months. But life marches on and so does my intent and desire to be healthy and fit.
At the end of August, I began to notice that I was gaining weight. I had gained about 8 lbs from the last time I wrote at that point. I decided to start another HCG Phase 2 in a frantic effort to lose the weight I had gained.
I started Round 3 at the beginning of September, right after I started back to grad school. With the beginning of school and an internship, my life became a crazy whirlwind and I found it nearly impossible to manage the strictness of the protocol while doing everything I needed to for home, school and work. I was cheating nearly every day and having a very hard time emotionally with the diet... dreading it every morning and even feeling angry that I was being so restricted in what I could eat. I thought hard about it, and decided to stop the protocol. Immediately after I stopped the shots, I went to a Weight Watchers meeting and fully intended to follow WW to maintain for a few weeks, and then start losing slowly again. And while I still think Weight Watchers is a good idea, I have not even had the discipline to write down everything I eat and track points everyday.
I spent a few weeks eating whatever, whenever, and gained some of the weight back again. About three weeks ago, I became very aware of, and panicked about the weight I was gaining. Which was about 6-8 lbs.
One day I was walking through Barnes and Nobles and came across a book "I Can Make You Thin" by Paul McKenna. As I scanned the book, I felt emotion rising up in me as I read Paul McKenna's weight loss system concepts. The four golden rules: 1. Eat when you are hungry 2. Eat what you want, not what you think you should eat. 3. Enjoy every single bite of food you put in your mouth. 4. Stop eating when you think you might be full. The simplicity was something I desperately hoped might work.
The author includes mindfulness exercises, and uses some cognitive-behavioral approaches which go right along with some of the therapy techniques I have been learning in school. Most of these techniques are aimed at helping you to overcome emotional eating. Included with the book is a CD that is meant to help retrain the brain to feel positive toward exercise and to also reprogram attitudes and beliefs about food.
I know it may sound kind of hokie, but again, some of the techniques he uses on this CD make perfect sense in the context of what I have been learning about right brain and left brain integration, the ability to change pathways in our brains, etc. Some of the things that resonate with me in this approach are 1) The focus on listening to my body, and working WITH my body instead of feeling like I am fighting against a part of myself 2) The fact that this approach is not a "diet" and I do not feel deprived at all. The advice given in this book feels so natural, and feels like something that I could truly live with in the long term.
I have been reading the book and listening to the CD every night since then. I have become much more aware of my reasons for eating, and really trying to focus on the four rules. It just feels right to wait until I'm hungry to eat. It feels so good to eat what I WANT, and to stop eating before I am stuffed. It is so satisfying to really pay attention to and enjoy the foods I am eating, While this approach is liberating, it's not always easy. Sometimes, I know I'm not hungry but I want to eat for social or emotional reasons. But when I follow the rules I feel so much better.
I have also started doing Julian Michael's 30 day shred workouts on DVD. My weight has finally stabilized and will hopefully start moving down again soon.
I still have HCG, and may choose to do it again someday when my life is less crazy. But for now, I feel good about what I am doing. I am really trying to be kind to myself, and have confidence in my intuitive ability to make choices that are good and healthy for me.

P3R2 Day #18 (173.8, LIW +2.0)

Wow, it's been awhile since I updated! Vacation was fun.... I gained and have been above LIW since I got back (I was more than 2 lbs under when I left). I have been over the 2lb range once since returning, but the next day the scale went back down even without a correction day. I haven't been very good about the no sugar/no starch rule. I am amazed that my weight has been as stable as it has been considering what I have been eating.
I was planning to end my break over the weekend by taking shots Sat and Sun, and then starting the VLCD today, but I was concerned that my HCG might not be potent anymore (I mixed it about 45 days ago, and I have left it out of the fridge for a couple days on accident). I tested it with a pregnancy test and the line was very very faint. I don't want to take a chance that its not working, so I decided to wait until later this week to start. I have HCG but I don't have the bacteriostatic water to mix with yet... I have ordered it and it should come some time this week.
Because I am right at the 2lbs above LIW mark, I am going to stick to P3 foods today and hope that the scale will move down tomorrow.
I am nervous to start another P2, considering how the last one went (cheating all the time!) But I am also so excited at the thought of losing more weight. My goal for the next round is to lose 15 lbs in 23 days. I think if I really focus, and stick to the protocol that it is possible. Then I plan to take a short break and do another 23 day round with a goal of 15 more lbs. If I do that, I will be very close to my goal of 135-140 by the end of September! I need to keep focusing on the goals I want to reach to help me get ready to start again.

P3R2 Day #6 (169.2, LIW -2.6)

I have been losing the past 3 days and I am not complaining! I even had cheesecake the past 2 days and have still continued to move down! Maybe, just maybe I will start back on the shots below my LIW. That would be so great! But who knows... vacationing this week, I might gain a little. I am planning to stick to the no sugar/no starch and stay within my calories, for the most part on vacation. I will probably have some potatoes and carrots in my tin foil dinner, and maybe a taste of the raspberry shakes that Bear Lake is famous for! I'll just play it by ear. Even if I gain a little, I am still safe on being within range. I doubt I am going to gain 4.8 lbs it would take to require a correction day (knock on wood).

I don't know if he reads my blog, but I wanted to wish my little brother HAPPY BIRTHDAY today! Happy Birthday Zach!

P3R2 Day #4 (170.4, LIW -1.4)

Hey everybody! My break has been great so far! I have been under my last injection weight the whole time... so different from last time I went on Phase 3, when I had to do a correction day right away and it seemed like every 3 days or so for awhile! I have decided that when I go back on the shots, I will do 23 days, then take a 2 week break again at the end of August, and do one more 23 day of shots. I am really hoping to get to or close to my goal of 135 by the end of September this way. I am excited at the thought of just getting it done and being in maintenance for the fall and the holidays.
The biggest problem I am having is stomach aches from sugar alcohols. They are the best tasting sugar substitutes, but they can cause "gastrointestinal discomfort". Apparently, they ferment in the stomach creating large amounts of gas, which causes... well, my stomach blows up like a balloon and HURTS. Sorry if TMI, but if I can help someone else get through the low carb world with this knowledge, it's worth it. Ha ha.
I think that's all for today. More later...

P3R2 Day #2 (170.8, LIW -1.0)

Hey everybody! Today is day 2 of my scheduled phase 3 break. I gained 1.6 lbs from my weigh in yesterday, which is OK because yesterday I was 2.6 lbs below my LIW weight of 171.8. It seems pretty normal to me to gain on the first day of P3 because of the new volume of food, so I am not worried about the gain. I finally saw 169.2 on the scale yesterday which was nice, but doesn't really count since it was on the second day after my last injection. Nice to know it exists though, and I WILL see it as soon as I get back on the HCG!

Happy Weekend! More later!

P2R2 VLCD #25(?) (171.2)

Sorry I have been MIA... I haven't been on the computer much. When I'm not at work, I've been outside with the kids at the pool, the park, etc. Trying to enjoy what we have left of summer!
Anyway, I decided to have my last injection before my break be Tuesday. I really need the break to get my head on right for the second half of this round. I am kind of worried though because even P3 foods are not sounding too appealing to me (I know, what's up with that?) I have been craving carbs like crazy and that is what I've been cheating on... I really want to maintain during my break and I want to do things right. I want to get back on the loosing train in 2 weeks, and don't want to have to backtrack to get where I am now. I am hoping that when I start eating high fat, the carb cravings will go away.
I need to get some more HCG because I don't have enough shots left to complete a full 23 days after my break. So far I have always gotten it through a prescription from my doctor. But this time I just want to order it online. I am completely confused about how to do that and what I need to order so I am going to go check out info on that. But if any of you have any advice that could help on that, please share!
Have a great day everyone!

P2R2 VLCD #20 (171.2, +/-0)

Yesterday I didn't get a chance to post... had a .6 loss yesterday and today a big fat zero. It's frustrating but really, this week my body has given some good losses so I will just try to keep that in mind as I go through today! I better get up and get doing something. I have laundry to fold and kids to get ready for the day, and it's already 11am! LAZY Saturday morning! Have a great weekend everybody!